


Unconditional

by ConsentFest, Ladderofyears



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Awakening Feelings of Desire, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Demisexual Albus Potter, Discussions about Healthy Relationships, Discussions of Psychological and Emotional Manipuation, Eventual Happy Ending, Feelings of Inadequacy in a Relationship, First Kiss, First boyfriend, M/M, Mild Bigoted Language to describe Asexuality, Non-Consensual Touching, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Relationship Discussions, Scorpius gives Good Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-10-21 17:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsentFest/pseuds/ConsentFest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladderofyears/pseuds/Ladderofyears
Summary: They’d looked at the stars together, Scorpius giggling when Albus pretended not to see his constellation. That was how it always was between them. Comfortable. Funny. They had jokes no one else understood, and could communicate ideas with a glance, or a grimace. No one else understood their friendship: grousing, sour Albus, paired with gentle, kind Scorpius? But it worked. If someone made a joke it wasn’t funny until they’d laughed about it together. When Albus felt annoyed, Scorpius was the only one who could make him feel better.And that was why they’d made their choice. No touching, no kissing. No declarations of love. Nothing to risk their friendship. Boyfriends come and go, they’d reasoned. But you never, ever got another best friend.A story about falling in love, finding yourself and realising that you can be quite splendid, right exactly as you are.





	Unconditional

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icarusinflight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusinflight/gifts).



> Dear icarusinflight, thank you so much for your wonderful prompt and I'm sorry that I veered away from it. It ended up being a much bigger exploration of demisexuality, and the characteristics of open, honest relationships than I ever anticipated. I hope you enjoy this story. 
> 
> Thank you so much to A, who I debated this story endlessly with, and, I think, got quite tired of hearing about it.

No expense had been spared for James Potter’s wedding. A four-layered, elf baked wedding cake where miniatures of the happy couple danced and swirled. A buffet of desserts, a Honeydukes chocolate fountain and quite the largest bouquet of roses that Albus could have imagined. There was even a treacle tart, made to his dad’s very own recipe and his very favourite. Al was enjoying his second slice. 

Perhaps enjoying wasn’t the right word. He’d always had a sweet tooth but Quidditch kept most of the pounds off. Anyway, he intended to indulge in a second slice without anyone seeing. Sat right at the end of the top table, Albus had decided to eat his weight in puddings and watch his family enjoy themselves. 

Concealed in the shadows, he could see James was dancing with Marie Mclaggen, his new bride. _Well_ , he supposed, _she was a Potter now, for better or worse_. Even from his hidden spot, Albus could see she radiated happiness, her face curled up in laughter as James whispered in her ear. 

His dad was there too, dancing with mum. A life of love and intimacy between them; their movements were comfortable and relaxed. From his vantage point it was clear that dad was all scrawny arms and legs, a bit of a tummy from too many portions of that same treacle tart. _Merlin_ , it was depressing. Dad and he were so alike, it was like he was looking in a crystal ball, viewing himself in twenty years. 

Well, if he got that lucky. The likelihood of a true-love match like his parents, the three children or even a society wedding featured in the _Prophet_ were as likely as him becoming Minister for Magic. No doubt Rose or Lily would probably manage that feat though. 

Lily had been eyeing him earlier, motioned for her to get up and dance with her. Albus has scowled, not wanting to be ousted from his comfy, hidden seat. Albus knew she was right, that really he should get up, dance and socialise. Enjoy the wedding day of his one and only brother, not sit here with only his maudlin thoughts for company. Even mum and dad had shook their heads and left him too it. His taciturn, grumpy reputation had followed him from childhood and sometimes it was too easy to slip into his family role, his slot as the family outsider. 

Of course, Scorpius was here, somewhere. Scorpius, his best friend of more years than he could count. His polite, charming best friend, whom the Potters thought of like another child. 

Well, he was everything Albus wasn’t; so full of easy laughter and light touches, never without a smile or a bad pun. Ten minutes with Scorpius, and people spilled their biggest secrets, felt like they’d known him forever. He’d whispered, _come dance with me_ , and Al had wanted to. But he’d shook his head, and Scorpius had left, wanting to enjoy the spectacle, the romance of the occasion. 

There he was, right in the middle of the dance floor. Dancing far too closely with a man whom Al didn’t recognise; a man who was far too muscular and good-looking for Al’s taste. He decided to dislike him on principle. _Circe_ , Al wondered, _how did he get so bitter at such a young age? He was only seventeen._

But he couldn’t deny that he was jealous. Every so often, Scorpius would touch the other man's shoulder, giggle at something he’d said. He face was flushed with the dancing, his normally perfect hair unkempt and flyaway. The men looked so at ease with each other, so comfortable. Albus felt the first stirrings of indigestion; the treacle tart feeling like a lead weight in his stomach, the slow burn of acid indigestion in his chest. 

_Damn it, he really needed to get out of here._

For a moment, Albus felt an overwhelming sway of emotions, a sense of loss that had no place at this wedding, the most romantic event of the Wizarding year. Not only that, but this was the marriage of his only brother. He should be happy, the centre of the party. The first to make a toast to the happy couple. With Marie, James was complete, shining and bright with a joy that Albus was sure he’d never experience. 

_And, no doubt, Scorpius would fall in love tonight as well._ As soon as they finished Hogwarts Al would probably be back at the top table, Best Man while Scor married good-looking over there. They’d Portkey off to some beautiful beach, and Scor would be lost to him forever. Al’s thoughts were starting to tangle, making his chest tight and his head swim. This night was rapidly becoming unbearable. 

Up Al got, navigating the abandoned chairs and making his way towards the dance floor. The party moved to a slow, romantic number that had all the couples snuggled up tight, the enchanted candles emitting a soft light that glowed with the magic of love. 

Albus wanted to speak to James, tell him he had to get some space, but that he loved him, was proud of him. But James only had eyes for his new wife, oblivious to anyone else who might intrude. Scorpius however, noticed Albus. Scor’s long, slender arms were knotted around good-looking’s waist, his head resting on his shoulder. 

Albus made eye contact with his best friend, mouthing something along the lines of _need a break_ , hoping Scorpius understood. Seven years of sharing a room, sharing classes and sharing a shower block meant that the two of them had an understanding of each other that went beyond the realms of any other relationship in either of their lives. 

Those first few years at Hogwarts had forged a friendship that was unassailable. It had survived the bullying and ostracising that had come with their surnames, had survived when Albus had hated his father’s celebrity to the point of slammed doors and muttered hexes. 

It had survived that embarrassing and drunk conversation where both had admitted that they were gay; that boys were what they wanted, to touch, to kiss and to love. 

The touches, kisses and love had been easy for Scorpius. He’d never been without a boyfriend, not since they were fifteen. His blond hair and lithe, spare form had admirers vying, and once even duelling, for his attentions, though none of them ever seemed to last more than a month or so. 

Albus had deliberately avoided knowing any more than he absolutely had to about these boys. He just hadn’t wanted to know. Scorpius, of course was too kind to gossip. It wasn’t as if any of them had interfered in their friendship; Scorpius had always been quite clear that Albus came first. 

Albus gave his best friend a smile, hoping he understood. Stepping away, and walking towards the gardens, Albus immediately felt a sense of release. It was a warm, balmy night and the lake shimmered in the moonlight. The sounds of the wedding were muted here, the night wind bringing the scents of lavender and lilies to where Al had seated himself on the lake steps. He leant back against the stone, considering the stars than shone above him. Closing his eyes, Albus thought of Scorpius, picturing him in astronomy class.

They’d looked at the stars together, Scorpius giggling when Albus pretended not to see his constellation. That was how it always was between them. Comfortable. Funny. They had jokes no one else understood, and could communicate ideas with a glance, or a grimace. No one else understood their friendship: grousing, sour Albus, paired with gentle, kind Scorpius? But it worked. If someone made a joke it wasn’t funny until they’d laughed about it together. When Albus felt annoyed, Scorpius was the only one who could make him feel better.

And that was why they’d made their choice. No touching, no kissing. No declarations of love. Nothing to risk their friendship. Boyfriends come and go, they’d reasoned. _But you never, ever got another best friend._

***

Al’s first boyfriend had been a Gryffindor boy called Yann Fredericks. They’d shared their Care of Magical Creatures class, a NEWT that Scorpius had chosen not to take. 

Paired together to raise Bowtruckles, the pair of them had hit it off better than Albus could ever have imagined. Scorpius had made encouraging noises when he and Albus had discussed it; telling him to go for it, insisting that it was absolutely fine for them to spend time together. Even so, Al had always felt a little guilty whenever he wasn’t with his best friend. 

Initially, all of Yann and Al’s talk had been about magical creatures. Both boys shared a fascination about animals, and Yann was clever and knowledgable. Perhaps not as clever as Scorpius, Albus thought secretly, but he thought it better to keep that fact to himself. 

Yann and Albus might have stayed as friends forever, had Yann not taken the initiative. Al had never been in a relationship before, and so had no idea about how they worked or how to help it to progress. He was curiously reluctant to discuss it with Scorpius, feeling shy about his lack of experience in that area. 

One warm, spring day however, Yann had asked Albus to meet him at the far side of the Great Lake. Al had walked out there, surprised at the meeting place. Normally meeting in the library, or sharing lunch in the Hall, the damp grassy bank had seemed remote and quiet. Yann was waiting, a smile on his face and his eyes shining in anticipation.

“So, what's happening Yann? Why did you want to meet all the way out here?” Albus had asked, confused at Yann’s manner. 

The other boy hadn’t replied. Instead, he had stood and wiped the dew from his trousers. He had taken hold of Al’s hands and stepped close. 

He’d stepped so close that Albus could smell hot chocolate Yann had drank at breakfast, could count the freckles that dotted his nose. So close that he could see the green specks in his wide eyes. Time had seemed to stand still for Albus, and before he knew it, had found his lips meeting Yann’s in a kiss. Small and chaste, soft and perfect; Albus had nothing to compare it too, but it seemed like the most perfect first kiss in the world. An anxious, brief thought of telling Scorpius skittering though his mind, disappearing only when Yann kissed him again. 

But Al needn't have worried. Scorpius had been nothing but excited when they’d discussed it later, sat in their Common Room, the green light of the lake rolling lazily against the walls. 

Scor seemed only to want Albus to be happy, giving him his blessing to spend as much time as he needed to build a relationship with Yann. This felt like the most wonderful news; Albus couldn’t have Scorpius feel like he wasn’t wanted. After all, wasn’t that their arrangement? Boyfriends come and go, but you never, ever got another best friend. 

And everything would truly have been perfect, except in Al’s heart of hearts, he knew it couldn’t last. 

***

Albus had loved his dates with Yann. 

He’d enjoyed sitting with him in the Three Broomsticks, sharing a Pumpkin Pastry and laughing about their shared teachers. He’d enjoyed holding hands, and sitting beside him, their shoulders pressed together, the warmth of his body pleasant and comfortable. But Albus hadn’t liked every aspect of the dates, and, one evening, had admitted as much to Scorpius. 

The conversation had started innocently enough, Scorpius barely looking up from his parchment as he asked how the relationship was going. 

“Well, Yann’s nice to me… We have a good laugh and I do like our dates… We’re good, I suppose-”

Scorpius had put down his quill. Albus was utterly incompetent at telling Scorpius any kind of fib. 

“Really? Doesn’t sound so good to me. I know when you’re lying. Your nose goes all red and you can’t look me in the eye… Out with it. He’s treating you as well as you deserve I hope? You still feel happy when you’re with him?”

“Yes! He’s a good person, funny. Nice. Our dates are fun… No, its me. I’m the one with the problem?”

Scorpius had narrowed his eyes at this. Albus was studying his hands intently, currently balled up in a knot in his lap. His eyes were everywhere, except on his best friend. 

“When you say its you who has ‘the problem’, what exactly do you mean?”

“It’s me! Every time we go on a date, I ruin it!… I like holding his hands, I don’t even mind regular kisses… It’s just… The other sort. Like, with open mouths. I’m just not sure I like it”. 

“Kisses tend to be a part of dates Al… Is the problem that he’s more experienced than you? Has he other boyfriends before? Because, you know, that’s nothing to worry about” 

Albus noticed that Scor seemed relived, as if he’d imagined that the problem was bigger, more serious. 

But Albus knew his worries went deeper than just his relative inexperience. He just couldn’t seem to make himself like the kisses, and was finding them to be an increasing source of worry. 

“No… He’s always been really kind, told me I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel ready for… But, Scor. I really don’t like it. I keep putting him off, telling him I’ll be ready soon… But I'm not sure that I will. And I can already tell he’s getting impatient. He pulled a face the other day, wouldn’t hold my hand afterwards… Scor, I think there might be something wrong with me. Something broken” Al’s voice was nearly a whisper. He’d never voiced his anxieties before, never daring to give them a name. 

Now, the words had been spoken, and their very utterance meant they were real. 

Albus could feel a tear welling up in the corner of his eye, but he wiped it away furiously. He had spent his life building up a visage of indifference, seeming cold and indifferent to other people. He felt like he was being punished for that; that his body was forbidding him to enjoy being with the one boy that he’d let get close. 

“There is nothing wrong with you, Albus! Absolutely nothing… You’re not broken. If things aren’t right with Yann, then it doesn’t mean that’s how its going to be forever-” Scorpius broke off, pulling Albus into a hug and rubbing his back. “The more you worry about it, the more upset you’ll get. Maybe you’ll get used to it, but maybe you won’t, and that’s fine too. But the most important thing- and I mean this- is that you don’t get pushed into doing anything you’re not happy with. Your body is your own…”

“I know… I like boys, and I know I like him… but I just want to be like other people. Alright… I’ll try not to let it upset me”. 

***

True to his word, Albus had made an effort to be more relaxed about Yann, but as the next Hogsmeade weekend approached his body felt like a mass of anxiety. 

He would have discussed his feelings with Scorpius, but the other boy was in the midst of a passionate tryst with a Hufflepuff boy with thick, chestnut coloured hair and startling blue eyes. Al was quite sure that they had no issues kissing, or with anything else for that matter. 

He sighed deeply. The truth was, Albus really didn’t want Scorpius to know quite how worried he was, lest he start to think Albus was broken too. The morning of the date found Al pacing around the dormitory. His stomach felt like it was filled with snakes, and his head spiralled with thoughts that spun and twisted out of his control. 

“Bloody hell, Al! You don’t have to go… I have a suspicion that dates are supposed to be fun, that you’re supposed to look forward to them? You look like you’ve got to face a new Dark Lord or take ten NEWTs! If you don’t want to go, just cancel” Scorpius observed wryly from his bed, already handsomely dressed in a set of dark green robes ready for his own date. 

“Oh yeah, and what am I supposed to say? ‘Sorry, I’m just too much of a baby to want to kiss you, or do anything except hold your hand. Shall we do that forever?’. I’m pretty sure that’s only going to get me a break-up Scor” Albus sighed. 

Maybe that was what he wanted. Being with Yann was starting to cause him more anxiety than happiness, and the stress of it was beginning to leak into his friendship, causing silly arguments like this one. 

“Just break up with him! Merlin, look at you. You’re going to Hogsmeade, not bloody Azkaban. Look, I’ll come to Hogsmeade with you, if you want. Or we can stay at the Castle? But I can’t stand to see you like this. You’re not supposed to make yourself ill worrying about a date”

“But I don’t want to break up with him! Look, I like him, right. I just don’t like the kissing, and I don’t know what to do about it!…”

“Look, I know you don’t… But, Al. Kissing is part of what people do in relationships. In my experience, it tends to be a pretty big part of dates. I mean, I’m not sure how you could get out of it, unless you told him that you didn’t want to do it any more, and I don’t reckon he’d take that very well”

“Gods, no… I couldn’t do that. That’d be awful” Albus felt his cheeks redden just at the thought. 

“Then it looks like you don’t have much of a choice… Look, I know how uptight you get about things. If you don’t want to tell him no, and you don’t want to break up, then you’re going to have to get on with it… He seems like a good person, Al. I’m sure if you just relax it’ll be okay. If you’re really hating it, just come back to school. I really am sorry, mate”

***

Albus knew his best friend was worried, but that there was nothing he could do to help. Hogsmeade with Yann was lovely, and they had fun trailing around the bookshops and sharing a hot chocolate in Madam Puddifoots. 

Every so often Yann would lean over to kiss him, their lips meeting in a soft peck that Al felt quite happy about. Their fingers brushed against each other, and Albus fervently wished it could always be like this. He knew that Yann wouldn’t wait forever, and that the hints about _finding time alone_ would become outright questions before too much more time passed. He just hadn’t been expecting it to happen as soon as it did. 

They’d met for a revision session in a study room beside the library, their CoMA exam frightening close. Lacking Scor’s copious notes and timetable, Albus thought it seemed the best option to cram in some facts. He’d normally be a little wary; his policy of very public dates had meant Yann hadn’t pushed him with the kissing, and that had been more than fine with Albus. So far, the revision had gone exactly as Albus had hoped: lots of talk about magical animals and very little about _finding some private time,_ a phrase he was starting to loath. 

Indeed, things would have been perfect, had Yann not charmed the door shut, and cast a notice-me-not-spell on it.

“Bloody hell Yann! What the hell…! Do you have any idea how much trouble we’ll be in in if we get caught? I for one don’t need any more detentions… My dad will get called up to the school, and the amount of fuss that causes, you’ve no idea...” Albus knew he was rambling. 

All the breath had left his body. He knew that this wasn’t what he wanted, knowing suddenly, sickeningly, that he was going to lose Yann if he didn’t go though with what he wanted. Nobody would wait for him forever. 

“Just relax… Always so uptight, Albus. Nobody’s going to catch us. I've been practising that spell for just this kind of occasion. It’ll be nice, I promise” Yann pushed Albus against the wall, his tongue pushing past Al’s lips and into his mouth. His hands were everywhere, under Al’s shirt and skimming around the top of his trousers. 

Albus knew that this was what relationships were, that this what was expected. And he couldn't do it, couldn’t bring himself to respond with the same desperate greed, the same longing. He tried to mimic Yann’s movements, tried to pretend, but he couldn’t. It just wasn’t there.

Yann pulled back, dropping his arms to his sides. There was a questioning look on his face, a disappointment that you didn’t need to be a Legilimens to understand. 

“I really like you Albus, and… Well, I thought you liked me? What’s wrong?” Yann looked sincere, and Albus swallowed, the words feeling like lead in his throat. 

“It’s just… I…I want to wait. I don’t want to to be in the bloody library, sneaking around… I want it to be nice, somewhere special. Not like this” Albus couldn’t look at Yann. He was too afraid that the truth would show in his expression. 

“Okay. I get it… You want to wait. You’re not ready, are you?”. Yann’s voice was quiet. 

“No” stated Albus, sadly. “I don’t think I am”

***

Albus tried to focus on the text in front of him. The page appeared to be enchanted, however, for the letters danced and swam in front of his eyes. 

A small tear rolled down his cheek, making the ink spread where it fell. Al angrily wiped the wetness from his face. _I might as well give in,_ he decided, feeling like he might not manage studying ever again. Yann had finished with him that afternoon, and Albus felt quite broken. They hadn’t left things on good terms either, Yann calling him _cold and prudish._

They’d argued in an empty classroom, Yann having asked him there on the pretence of looking over an exam answer. Yann had leaned over, kissing Al’s neck and telling him he was beautiful, that he wanted a _real relationship_ with him. Albus had questioned why their relationship wasn’t already real, and Yann had scoffed, saying that _all the waiting was getting too hard_ , that he _needed proof Albus loved him._

Albus had pushed Yann off him, trying hard to hide how disgusted he felt at the pressure he was being put under. Yann’s face was stony and unpleasant, and he stalked away, muttering the insults as he left. Albus had ran after him, but his boyfriend had refused to speak. Albus hadn’t wanted to speak to anybody else, so he’d taken his textbook and hidden away in his bed. 

He was startled from his thoughts by the door opening. 

“Al? You coming to the Common Room? There’s a game of Exploding Snap that’s got very interesting…” Scorpius sat himself down next to Albus on the bed, wriggling to get comfortable. Albus couldn’t look at his face, knowing his red eyes would give him away. Of course, Scorpius noticed immediately. 

“What’s happened Al? Bloody hell, its Yann isn’t it?… What’s he done? Come on, out with it”

Albus sneaked a look at Scorpius. His face was sad, etched with concern. 

“He wanted to sleep with me… Earlier. Said we didn’t have a real relationship. Said he needed me to prove I loved him” Albus knew he looked downcast; his arms knotted around his knees and his shoulders hunched in defeat. 

“Merlin, Al! That’s absolute shit, and you and I both know it. I hope you told him where to go!… What happened?”

“He got upset… Walked out. Called me some names. We’re finished, as you can probably imagine”. 

Albus let out a breath he didn’t even realise he’d been holding. The words that had felt like stones in his throat had tumbled out as he’d spoken. Tears fell freely now, and a deep sob escaped that was utterly out of his control. Scorpius wrapped his arms around Albus, pulling his friends head down into the crook of his neck. 

“Oh Al… Its okay, its okay...” Scorpius felt warm and safe, like the only constant in Al’s world. “If he could say things like that, then you’re better apart. It’s entirely his loss. Nobody else gets to decide what you do with your body, or make your choices for you… I’m proud you didn’t let him pressure you’

“But maybe pressure is what I need, Scor…. Maybe I needed someone to tell me what to do. There’s something the matter with me, something I’m frightened I’ll not be able to fix. I’m going to get left behind… You’ll get a boyfriend that you can stick for longer than two months, and I’ll be lonely. I’m just going to have to accept it”

“You don’t have to accept anything, Albus. You do realise that how you feel at seventeen isn’t fixed? You talk about fixing yourself, but you’re not broken. You’re evolving, and even if you choose never to have sex, that's still absolutely valid and nobody else’s choice or business. We all change, all though our lives, and I promise you this, Al. _It will all be okay, and you will find happiness_ … There is somebody out there who’ll think you’re splendid, right exactly as you are”

Albus wasn’t too sure about Scorpius’ words. He didn’t exactly consider himself too splendid, so he couldn’t quite believe anyone else would. His best-friend, however, had a way of calming his panicked thoughts. 

He smiled, a little uncertainly. Albus had nothing to lose by believing him. 

***

Breaking up from Yann turned out to be one of the best things that could have happened to Albus. 

Apart from the few lessons the two shared, Albus gave Yann a wide berth, and Yann did precisely the same. Al found that not being in a relationship gave him some time to focus on his own well-being. Without the pressure of another persons needs, Albus found it was far easier to focus what was happening with his life. 

His experiences with Yann seemed far too difficult to work through alone, and he didn’t feel comfortable burdening Scorpius further. He knew that Scor cared too much for him to be completely impartial. His father had always been a great advocate of counselling, and had often spoken at home of its effectiveness in helping him work through the challenges he’d faced both as a teenager and in his later life. 

Albus didn’t feel like he had a choice; he needed to explore what had gone wrong in his relationship in a safe, neutral environment. 

***

The counselling session had taken place in an airy room in a house not far from Diagon Alley. Albus was nervous; worried he was about to be criticised, and told he was selfish. He feared the break-down of his relationship was going to be laid at his door, and that he would be judged and found wanting. 

His counsellor was a witch called Eloise who seemed a few years older than Albus. 

Albus was surprised that she didn’t seem to think any of those things. She had been more concerned with whether the relationship had been _healthy and honest_. She was far less concerned than Albus about his levels of desire. 

“Albus” she’d said “there is no one way for a relationship to exist. Whether you were sexually intimate or not isn’t the issue. Relationships that make both people feel respected, safe and happy are healthy ones, and I think from what you’ve said your relationship was lacking these. In retrospect, what do you think might have made your relationship an unhealthy one to be in?”

“Well… I suppose I didn’t really feel safe. I felt pressured into doing things I wasn’t into. I used to dread dates because I felt like I couldn’t tell him the truth” Albus felt embarrassed, sure that she thought less of him. “And sometimes he wasn’t honest. Meeting me in places under false pretences and then trying to push me into things…He lost his temper with me once, and called me names”

Eloise took a breath, and was silent for a moment before she spoke. 

“So we need to consider what we can learn from this. If lack of respect, miscommunication, dishonesty and pressure are characteristics of unhealthy relationships, then what do you think a healthy relationship looks like?”

“Respect, I suppose”, Albus said, thinking back on his relationship. “I think, to me, respect is thinking about the other person, showing consideration. Thinking about their well-being. And honesty. Maybe I should have been more honest from the start, instead of making excuses”

“Honesty is important” Eloise stated simply. “But the level of intimacy you choose to engage in is absolutely your own choice. You never need to make excuses for yourself. In future relationships though, a healthy relationship would have elements of negotiation and compromise. Open and honest communication is vital in every relationship. And of course, pressure of any sort is unacceptable in any healthy relationship, not just romantic ones.” 

“So, respect, honesty, negotiation and open communication. No pressure, and definitely no anger. Think about the other people in your life. Who would you say you have a healthy relationship with?”

“My best-friend, Scorpius… He’s always been the most important, honest, and truest relationship of my life… But there’s nothing between us. That’s what we’ve always said. You never get another best-friend”.

***

Really, Albus decided, the wizarding world was far behind the Muggles in their thinking on sexuality, and a couple of leaflets borrowed from Eloise section helped to clear his thinking, and help him to work on accepting who he was. 

Albus still had the same dreams of finding love, marriage and a family that he’d always had, and he began to realise that they might not be as impossible as he’d previously thought. Every person, Muggle or wizard, he discovered, had different levels of desire and sexual attraction. Perhaps he would find a person with whom intimacy might bloom. He hoped this might happen. 

He discovered too, that romantic desire was different to sexual desire. He needed to find a wizard who would understand him, who would accept him just as he was. His mind flicked back to Scor’s words. _Somebody out there who’ll think you’re splendid, right exactly as you are._

The most important thing that Albus discovered was that he wasn’t broken. The leaflets explained that no person’s sexuality stayed the same their whole lives, and that sex wasn’t the only way to be intimate with another person. He came to know that levels of desire ebbed and flowed over time. He was entirely valid just as he was. 

***

But, sitting in the grounds of his brothers wedding, Albus was starting to feel like just being valid wasn’t enough. 

His heart ached with jealousy at the easy love of his parents, at the intense joy of James and his beautiful new wife. _He was lonely._ Where was this person that Scorpius had foretold, who thought he was _splendid, exactly as he was?_ He seemed to be taking his merry time in arriving in Al’s life. Rolling a pebble between his finger and thumb, Albus thought back to the wedding ceremony, and to his best-friends easy laughter and light touches with the other man. He sighed. 

Albus Potter had fallen in love with his best friend. 

He supposed his feelings had started when he’d found Scorpius, his heart racing with happiness and elation at the new information he had realised about himself. 

Scorpius had pulled him into the tightest hug, kissing and ruffling his hair, telling him that was _old news; he was obviously perfect._ He’d even said something about it _being easy for Al to find a great wizard who’d love him unconditionally._ And those few words were all it had taken to expose the feelings that had simmered unconsciously for years. 

Feelings for Scorpius, his best friend. 

And, of course, who was Al kidding? Scorpius was completely unreachable for Albus. He’d had so many dates, had so many boyfriends. Albus had always tried not to listen, but he knew he was experienced sexually. A relationship with Scorpius would mean every physical aspect. He thought that it might be different with Scorpius, that their years of closeness might make things easier than they were with Yann. 

But he couldn’t risk it. Like they both said, boyfriends come and go. But you never, ever got another best friend. 

The problem was, Albus had started to notice how their relationship differed from those he had with his other friends. Their shared jokes, their easy manner. How much they touched. These feelings terrified him in their intensity, and Albus couldn’t help but wonder how much of his own desire to be the same as other people were tied into them. 

Just because they were both gay, it seemed arrogant that Scorpius would return his feelings. He’d never indicated that he wanted Albus as a boyfriend.

Another worry for Albus was that he was confusing their long friendship with love. Scor was the person he was closest to in the world, and if he could open himself physically to anybody, it might possibly be him. But then, Albus couldn’t be sure. It was easier to say nothing, to hope the feelings might pass. 

But they didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Every time their shoulders brushed, Al’s heart felt like it was going to hammer out of his chest. When their fingers brushed over a shared textbook he felt shock waves run through his arm, tingling and sparking. And when Scorpius smiled, his stomach would coil in pleasure; an entirely new and strange feeling. 

All of these feelings were new and unfamiliar, and entirely different to those he had experienced with Yann. 

But they didn’t bring him happiness. All he wanted was for his best friend to be happy, and Albus couldn’t get over the idea that he’d be better with somebody else, somebody who could give him the full relationship that he deserved. 

***

He supposed he’d better get back to the wedding party. 

The fires that had been lit on the edge of the estate were starting to die down, and the sounds were more muted than before. Casting a Tempus charm, Albus realised he had been sat on the stone steps longer than he’d imagined. Despite the heat of the day, the cold was starting to sink into his skin and he cast a warming charm that shimmered momentarily around him. _Five more minutes,_ he thought, _and I’ll head back, all smiles for the bride and groom. Five more minutes to enjoy the silence._

Al’s reveries were disturbed by the sound gravel crunching behind him. Turning, he craned his neck to see who’d followed him into the darkness. _Bloody hell, it was Scorpius!_ That tall, graceful form loping quickly towards him couldn’t be anyone else. _Despatched by his parents to return him to the party no doubt._

Albus scowled. Obviously, he wasn’t going to be allowed to dwell in his misery any longer. Straightening his robes over his knees, Albus looked up expectantly at Scorpius as he came to a stop a few meters away. 

“Come to collect me Scor?” he queried, frowning when his friend didn’t speak. 

“Come on mate, help me up… My legs have gone to sleep over here. Is it time for more speeches?” Albus held up his arm to his friend, expecting him to help hoist him to his feet, as per usual. Scorpius, however, didn’t move. After a moment, Albus dropped his arm, feeling a bit awkward. 

“I didn’t come to collect you Al… I came to ask if I could join you?” Scorpius still hadn’t moved, and Al started to fidget in impatience. 

“You can if you like. There’s just me and the fish over here, though. No good-looking chaps here to dance with, I’m afraid”. Albus knew his tone was bitter, but right at that moment he couldn’t help it. He waved his hand, a vague motion to indicate their surroundings. 

“Just me… And it doesn’t get more exciting than a kiss on the lips with me, mate”

Scorpius didn’t say a word in reply, but after a moment he came and sat down next to Albus on the stone steps. Tucking his legs underneath him, Scorpius cast a warming spell, and turned his face to look at Albus. 

“I knew that was why you flounced away. Don’t deny it. It wasn’t him I wanted to dance with though. It was you”. Scorpius had a clear open face, and Albus knew he prided himself on never lying. His best friend took a deep breath. 

“Al, I know how hard last year was for you… All that stuff with Yann. But I can see how much you’re hurting, and you don’t need to. I was always going to tell you tonight, Albus. You must know that I love you. Not like the rest of them… It’s always been you, really. Everyday, since the day you told me you were gay, I’ve hoped you’d want to be with me… And I think in the last few months, maybe you do? Am I making a colossal fool of myself here?”

Albus was utterly stunned by the revelation. The lake, the smell of woodsmoke and lavender, the warmth of the spell; all seemed to melt away in the wake of Scor’s words. _Of course Scorpius knew about his feelings; he’d never been able to keep any kind of secret from him._

But even in the very moment he was overwhelmed with joy, Al felt his heart breaking. 

“No, you’re not making a fool of yourself” Albus whispered, his voice cracking with all the emotion of the night. Everything he wanted seemed within his grasp, but it had never been further away. “but Scorpius. You must know we can’t ever be together, you and I. We can’t have a relationship”

Scorpius was shaking his head, like he didn’t understand Albus’ words. 

“But why? For whatever reason can’t we be together?”

“ _All that stuff with Yann_ as you so eloquently stated is the reason! You’re sat there like last year didn’t happen! Like I didn’t spend the whole of last year feeling like a loser, like there was something desperately wrong with me! And… And you were there for me… Listening to me, propping me up and _you bloody know_ I might not ever be able to give you what you want. You’ve had so many boyfriends. Any of them would be better for you than I am...”

As he spoke, Al’s voice rose. He felt shocked and angry with his friend, who must know that what he had suggested was impossible. 

“And you must know that I didn’t care about any of them. Not the way that I care about you, Albus… Merlin, listen to me, would you? I love you, and I always have. I only want to be with you. Whatever that looks like, it doesn’t matter… Like I said before, I think you’re splendid, right exactly as you are”

Albus couldn’t speak, and didn’t trust himself to make any kind of movement. The darkness of the night had closed in on them; the wedding was silent now, and he was no longer aware of any light from the fires. The rest of his life seemed distant, and all of his attention was focussed on the man in front of him. 

Scorpius, who had moved closer, and ever so slightly leant in. Scorpius, who was holding his chin so gently. 

The kiss, when it came, was delicate, barely there. Albus knew Scorpius was being cautious, as if he were afraid to push him too far. But it felt wonderful; warm, comfortable and familiar. The kiss felt like everything Albus had never known he’d wanted. 

When the two broke apart Albus was shocked by just _how right_ the kiss had felt. 

***

With Yann, he’d never been able to relax enough to actually enjoy the feeling close to another person; the physical sensations had overtaken him every time. Scorpius, however knew him better than anyone else in the world, knew everything about him. Albus didn’t have to put on an act because his best-friend already knew everything there was to know. Most crucially, though, he wasn’t being put under any pressure. 

True to his word, Scorpius wanted only to be with him, and Albus was incredibly happy to oblige. In the weeks following James’ wedding very little seemed to change. Their friendship had always transgressed the normal rules when it can to causal touches, and if anyone noticed their sitting together far more closely than might be expected, the casual brush of their fingers, not one person said a word. 

A sparking tingle ran though Albus each and every time they kissed, and he was coming to realise this feeling was _attraction._

At seventeen, he was blind sided by these feelings that he’d never felt before. He felt vulnerable in the wake of how overwhelming they were. All he knew was that he’d fallen deep and fast, but he didn’t feel unsafe. His best-friend had become his boyfriend, but he could still tell him anything and not be judged. 

His new boyfriend was being so careful with him, his delicate touches so reverent. Scorpius treated Albus as if he were infinitely precious, seeking his consent each time when they kissed or held hands. He never pushed Albus, or pressured him into any actions they hadn’t discussed first. It was all so wonderful, so exhilarating. 

But so terrifying. Albus didn’t know whether Scor’s feelings were sustainable. 

He remembered Eloise’s words. _Open and honest communication is vital in every relationship._ Albus knew he didn’t have a choice; that had to talk to him. 

***

“I’m demisexual. Not aromantic, obviously. And I’ve fallen in love with you because you’ve been my friend forever… I’ve fallen in love with you because of our friendship, our emotional connection” Albus found his words tumbling out faster and faster. 

“I suppose part of it is that I feel safe with you. We know each other so well; all the little details about each other’s lives. It’s like… I suppose, it’s like I love you as a whole. It’s bone-deep, Scorpius. I love every part of you… And, I know I’m attracted to you… I know I want you to be there when I wake in the mornings when I wake up. I want to be able to share my life with you… I love you. And I want a full, physical relationship with you… I just know that it’ll take me longer. I don’t know that you’ll want to wait for me. Maybe I’m not enough for you, or you’ll get frustrated...” 

Scorpius was sat beside him, their fingers tangled together between them. Albus knew his face was red, and his eyes were swollen and glassy. These were some of the hardest words he’d ever had to vocalise, and they were hard, so hard. But Scorpius had never been less that honest with him, and he deserved the same respect.

“Albus, of course you’re enough… More than enough. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Nobody knows what the rest of our lives will bring, but when I think about spending our futures together that makes me happy… For you, with you… You told me that your counsellor said that healthy relationships are about communication, negotiation and compromise” 

“If and when we have sex, we’ll discuss it, and talk about what we’re both happy with. We’ve got all the time in the world… You are my choice, and this is the love that I want. All I want is you in my life. I love you too, unconditionally”

And sitting there, with his best friend who loved him, _exactly as he was_ , Albus decided to believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this story, I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> I'm a secondary school teacher, and the themes in this story came through my work teaching PHSE and working with my tutor group. Unfortunately, there has a huge pressure to be sexually active amongst many of the young people I've worked with, and quite often this has taken the form of an expectation on one side of the relationship. This should never, ever be the case. 
> 
> In this story Albus is demisexual, and really doesn't want to sleep with Yann, but even if this wasn't the case, he shouldn't have been pressured to do anything intimate that he wasn't ready for.
> 
> Healthy relationships are about communication, negotiation and compromise, and my hope for all of my students - and all the readers of this story - is that they find a partner who can give them all this, and love them unconditionally too.


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